Thursday, January 19, 2017

Invisible

I don't know what I'm doing anymore. My life is just passing me by. I hate this disease. Literally hate this disease. My legs don't cooperate half the time and yet I'm yelled at to try and get a job. But how am I supposed to do that when I can't get out of bed half the time? I don't think anyone understands. I'm just invisible to everyone because no one gives a shit. When someone has a disease like this you become a burden. Sometimes I just wish I would've gotten cancer and died already. Because I can't keep doing this. No ones cares. 

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

New IPhone

So I got the new IPhone on New Years Day. I've had my old phone for 3 years. It still worked fine, but my husband dropped his and broke it the day before. I don't like spending money on phones so I keep them a long time. So I get this new thing and it's so big I can barely put both my hands around it. Every time I push the home button Siri comes on. Like really I'm just trying to get off an app shut the FUCK up!!!! It took me almost a week just to log into all my shit. Then I'm trying to log into blogger and it's telling me I don't have a damn account. So I logged in on the computer and it comes up. WTH!!!!! I hate this damn thing!!! The world would be so much better if we just had flip phones again. SMH... or no cell phones at all. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Scream

Sometimes I want to scream. I just hate this disease. My body doesn't want to cooperate with my brain. I can tell myself to get up all day long. But when my legs don't want to cooperate and I feel like I've been run over by a Mack truck I just can't seem to do it. The fatigue lately is so bad I just don't know what to do. Probably would help if I could actually eat something. Everything I seem to eat comes back up one way or another. I'm just so over this. !!!!!!!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Christmas Tree

So this weekend we decided to put up the Christmas tree. My husband got everything down from the attic for me. However, the manger (nativity scene) and some ornaments and other lights were missing. After much prodding he went back up there and comes back down with the manger. I have no idea where the remaining items are at. We ended up putting the old tree up instead of the light-up tree, because he brought it down first. I told him it was the wrong tree. It is smaller and wobbly. However, the upper part of the light-up tree ended up having something happen to it last year and we had to fix it. So after Christmas when sales go on for trees, I will buy a new tree for next year and put it up in the attic. 

As I mentioned earlier we couldn't find some of the lights. We have a lot of lights. Indoor and outdoor lights. The indoor lights are small and I use them for the nativity scene and also on the old tree. All my husband could find were the outside lights that were larger. Some were these white corded lights which we had on our porch at our first apartment together in 2003. We actually used them on our house for a few years after we bought it. Then my husband never put up lights again. If he puts up lights he tends to not take them down and we are the family with Christmas lights on the house in July..... 

So after an eventful afternoon the tree was finally up. I watched Bedlam (OU Sooners vs OSU Cowboys) the two Oklahoma teams battle it out on the football field. My Sooners won and I watched my husband get mad. We are a house divided. Lol 

Monday, November 28, 2016

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving this year was a little different. We spent the beginning of the day at home and then traveled back home. We haven't been there in years. We spent all weekend there on the farm. The girls enjoyed it. They got to spend time with their little cousin, go four wheeling, ride the horses, target practice, and just do kid stuff. Our oldest wanted to go to the casino for the first time. So we all took her. The great grand parents watched the little ones. She lost most of her money. She wasn't happy and said she doesn't want to go back. So it's safe to say we don't have a gambler on our hands. All in all our holiday went well. 

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Shopping

I don't go shopping very often. When I do it's just for grocerys. My daughters wanted to go clothes shopping, because they have their yearly clothing allowance from the Chickasaw Nation. They are Native American from their father and this is one of their benefits. I am truly thankful for this! 

So each year, before our shopping trip, we strategically plan where we are going to go and make sure there are sales and coupons for each store. This year just happened to be the start of Black Friday sales. So it was super awesome! They ended up getting tons of clothes and my younger two even got 4 pairs of shoes each. I was even able to get new winter jackets 50% off at children's place. Super awesome! They are set until summer. And we just went through their clothes and I don't think they will need anything then either.  So we are good! 

So by the end of the day yesterday I was really tired. I even came home and helped my middle daughter clean her room and organize the closet. Today we went back to town because my oldest needed a dress for a date. We also got some last minute Thanksgiving items came home and cleaned the house. I am beyond tired. It's been a busy two days! 


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Moving Forward

It's been awhile I know. I dropped off the face of the earth for awhile. So I will fill you in. When my youngest was 8 months old my husband deployed for 10 months. This was very hard on the family. We virtually had no help. Everyone who said they would help us while he was gone did not. My legs gave out from underneath me twice and actually went numb. My Dr said these were relapses. I had IV steroids to help with this. The only person I had to rely on was my 16 yr old(at the time). This put undue strain on her. When my husband returned home from deployment there was a transition phase. This was hard on us as well. It takes time to get used to civilian life again. Things were crazy for awhile. I got really sick again about 6 months later. My body was just in turmoil from all the stress. My husband and I then started a workout routine and I was doing pretty good for awhile. But then life happens. He got transferred to a new unit and wasn't able to come home as early and help me with workouts and I got lazy. So last year I bought a Fitbit and started walking. My MS Dr said my legs were getting weaker and I had to keep moving. This past year has been exhausting. My youngest daughter is so hard to keep up with and at times is a trying child. I want to pull my hair out with her.... literally. I seemed to have hurt myself last summer on vacation. Apparently when I went down one of the water slides at SeaWorld I did something to it. All for one day of fun I was sent to 6 weeks of physical therapy. Yeah!!!!! Oh and a pain Dr I am so sick of this!!! Which by the way....the pain Dr is a quack. I seen him once and have never seen him again. I only seen the PA's. I don't even know what this man looks like. And his wife is crazy. She works there also. She came in the room one day and started doing yoga poses in front of my husband. Not just any yoga poses.... I mean ass up in the air in front of his face poses..... seriously. This chic is cray cray. So anyways, I got released from physical therapy and they said there's is nothing else they can do for my back. I have done everything they have told me to do. It's still screwed up. All from a slide? I have no clue. I have hurt it before when I fell, but it never hurt like this. I've also been trying to go back to work for about 5 months now. I graduated college back in 2012 with an MBA. I swear every time you mark disabled on your application they throw it in the trash. So now I'm just trying to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas.